What Do I Want To Be When I Grow Up?

As you may know, I am going back to school these days. I'm working on a degree in journalism. Someday I will have my beautiful degree and I will be able to leave this soul-killing admin job for good. Oh yes! Until then, I must study, study, study.

I am often asked, "What field do you want to work in?" Well, I know I don't want to do television. I want to reduce the emphasis on my appearance as much as possible in my next career. (I have also been an actress for many years).

I might want to work at a newspaper. I can see myself running around town 'a la Lois Lane...but with actual super powers, writing up stories for The New York Times or the Chicago Tribune, righting wrongs about town. (insert my personal theme music here) Maybe I could work my way up to being a foreign correspondent and travel around the world, writing stories and helping to make the world a better place for the people who don't usually have a voice. That would be my alter ego of course. When I'm not fighting for the under dog through my superior investigative reporting, I will be flying through the air, plucking kittens from tress and lifting school buses full of children off of rickety bridges!


Perhaps, I will eschew the whole super hero thing and simply work at a magazine like Newsweek or Time. I can freelance a bit and have articles published in Bitch magazine. This will be when I'm not covering stories at the U.N. thus facilitating my work for Interpol as an international spy.

Then again, I just might want to go work for The Onion.

Report: 47% Of Satellites Currently Monitoring
Celebrity Parenting
July 24, 2006 Issue 42•30

LOS ANGELES—Just days after the launch of SURI-II, whose state-of-the-art instruments are expected to provide the first-ever infrared images of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes' infant daughter, a report published by NASA revealed that nearly half of all communications and reconnaissance satellites currently in orbit are engaged in collecting and transmitting data relating to the child-rearing practices of Hollywood stars.
According to Monday's report, the SURI-II is one of 73 celebrity-surveying satellites currently deployed by the U.S. and assigned a variety of tasks including analyzing the rising levels of hostility between new mother Britney Spears and husband Kevin Federline, calculating the long-term effects of Julia Roberts' decision to bottle-feed her twins, and tracking the ever-changing whereabouts of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.
"In the 15 years since the first crude orbital crafts were launched to monitor Demi Moore's second pregnancy, fame-monitoring satellites have proven invaluable in our pursuit to better understand the star-studded world around us," New York Post Page Six columnist Richard Johnson said. "Were it not for the highly detailed information these satellites transmit back to Earth, celebrity researchers today would be unable to explain the origins of the adorable outfits Brooke Shields picks up for Rowan."

See the rest of this article HERE.

And...
Dewey Decimal System Helpless To Categorize New Jim
Belushi Book
August 14, 2006 Issue 42•33

DUBLIN, OHIO—Members of the OCLC Online Computer Library Center’s Editorial Policy Committee, which oversees the Dewey Decimal System library classification system, were no closer Monday to assigning a definitive call number to the recently published Jim Belushi book Real Men Don’t Apologize.
"With all due respect to the author, we remain unsure how to categorize this particular work," said committee chair Leslie Buncombe, who, despite repeated readings, still wasn’t sure if Real Men was "an actual book." "What is it Autobiography? Self-help? We can’t even tell if it’s fiction or nonfiction," Added Buncombe: "Too bad it can’t be shelved by its ISBN number. Maybe it’s Fantasy Biography? I don’t even think there’s a code for that." If no decision is reached within the week, librarians may be forced to shelve it in the "phantom zone" between Jenny McCarthy’s book of marriage tips and novels in which a cat helps solve a mystery.