This is why I got out of acting!

Sometimes I can hardly believe the things we put ourselves through as women. It's bad enough just being a regular person bombarded with the beauty myth in our society. When I was a professional actress, it was paralyzing. The pressure to be Mary-Kate-and-Ashley thin is unbelievable in Hollywood. Everyone is dieting. Everyone is liposucking or botoxing or injecting something. It's absolutely insane.

I have not been on an audition since January and I have to say, I thought it would be hard. I thought I would miss it. I don't. At all. I don't miss comparing myself to every girl at an audition, trying to see if I was as thin or thinner than they were. I don't miss eating beef jerky and salad with lemon juice as a dressing. I don't miss the guilt when I would enjoy myself and eat something real. I certainly never had an eating disorder. This is proven by the fact that I never got cast in a major motion picture out here. Not to mention the fact that I'm diabetic and not about to risk my life for a few extra pounds. But, I understand where the compulsion can come from.

Two things made me want to scream today.

The first was at my dermatologist's office. I'm seeing a doctor for a little acne problem. I'm just to damn old to be messing around with da' zits anymore. The only reading materials in the plush waiting room are books full of "before and after" pictures of patients who have undergone some sort of cosmetic surgery. "Look at how her wrinkles have faded from around her eyes! Wow, her neck looks so much less wrinkled! Oooo, she looks ten years younger after that face-lift." Gah! There is also a plasma TV on the wall playing a fifteen-minute video over and over and over, extolling the wonders of a new non-surgical method for eliminating cellulite. I was sitting in this uncomfortable couch-like chair thing with no armrests (I guess it looks slimmer that way) seething as I watched all the other women in the room rapt with awe as they absorbed the infomercial. It was all I could do, not to stand up and shout at the room, "Cellulite is a word created by ad execs in the 80s to sell women expensive creams and make a mint for the cosmetic companies!"


Can you say "airbrush?"

I restrained myself and continued to seethe. I got my prescription for an antibiotic and went back to work.

After work this evening, I went to my little gym to work out some of the stress of the day. These days I don't have to work out, I get to work out. I do it because it makes me feel good, not because I have a big audition in three weeks and I have to lose ten pounds. I also love this gym. It's small, it's clean and the people are genuinely friendly. There is always a trainer there so you get a personalized work out every time you go. I get bored really fast doing any kind of exercise, so this works out great for me.

One of my favorite trainers is a young lady I'll just call "D". D is in amazing shape. She's all lean muscle. She can do real push-ups. She can do ab exercises I can only dream of. She's out here in L.A. working on being an actress and she's been trying to get an agent and a better manager. Cool. More power to ya, I say. We're chitchatting this evening and she mentions that she had a meeting with a highly reputable agency the other day. She was very excited to get the meeting, but was crushed when they told her...




she'd have to lose a lot of weight.



This town is sick.


I would love to be in the kind of shape this young lady is in. She looks healthy and fit and beautiful. They want her to look like Keira Knightly on diuretics...and she's considering doing it!!!!

Nope, I am not missing acting at ephing all!




The less said about this the better


Doesn't that look like fun? Mmmm...


And in related news...

Apparantly they did this study either at my old acting school in NYC or ANYWHERE in Hollywood.

click below for the whole article...
Suicide risk high with body image obsession